Patient seems to first and foremost be experiencing signs of paranoia, perhaps relating to some recent disturbance in her personal or professional life. Waitresses have before described a sense of “stalking”, especially after a late night shift, so this behavior is not unusual or far-fetched given her employment. But just from the first meeting, it seems hard to get to the bottom of what could be causing this. This could be early signs pointing to possible repressions of childhood trauma, or merely an early onset symptomatic case of depression. Given the fact that she continuously shuts down the more we try to root out the causation, it might be important to change the atmosphere or general regard of our next meeting in order to be more productive and to alleviate some of her current symptoms
As stated in the recording, sleep paralysis appears to be a somewhat significant factor within this patient’s mental dilemmas. It’s common enough for many people, especially those experiencing paranoia and fear. Her case, however, case seems to transcend this, noted primarily in the details given and in her mention of an “incubus”. The fact that it’s a continuous recurrence and fits the same description every night she sleeps could lead to some kind of disturbance she is withholding subconsciously. But even with people who have had cases similar to this, it’s never had such an effect on their emotions or on their physical appearance. She appears to be thinner than before, as if refusing to eat or perhaps even fasting. Health issues should be discussed in the future, before they become a serious problem. Her insistence on a supernatural being and reading into all these internet theories should be discussed at some point as well, as it could be a significant driver of her worsening emotions.
I assumed a case of childhood trauma probably representing a male family figure, until she mentioned and insisted that the form was female in appearance. Her obsession with “figuring out” who the woman is is troublesome. When she says phrases like this, it almost sounds like a disembodied voice not of her own, like it’s someone else speaking through her throat. Her resistance in recalling past memories is alarming, especially as it has tied into her worsening mood. I fear that unless she is able to give me more information and actually can talk with me, she will continue to get worse and might harm herself.
Today’s session was strange. She was telling me about her night terrors, and I started to feel sick strange. Sound stopped, a loud ring started in my ears. It felt like time slowed down, and I began to sweat. I must have looked ill, because she stopped talking and stared at me. I watched her face and suddenly felt afraid. I must have had a panic attack. But I swear to God that as I saw her lips form the words “Are you okay?”, it looked like she was smirking at me. It scared me. How can I help my patients when I’m having mental breakdowns during our appointments? Ridiculous. If I didn’t record our conversations today would have been a total waste. I don’t even remember what she said.
XXX really seems bothered, but at a deep level. It seems like she’s suppressing her emotions; maybe repressing negative memories (no personal or familial history of mental illness). I’m sad for her. She has such a happy face, but towards the end she seemed…hollow. Sad. Like patients with late stage dementia or something. Initial diagnosis: too early to tell, but possible childhood trauma? Depression?